This
weekend the littlest Jacobs boy will be turning nineteen. The time has flown as
I’ve watched him grow and become a man. I say become a man, and yet I still
remember him as the little kid that Chase and I could convince to do anything.
Next year he will be going to college in Colorado and take that next step in
life. Being a brother is a special relationship. Brothers can be thrown into
any situation and work in silent communication. Their words have greater
bearing on each other’s ears than the words of anyone else. It wasn’t a choice,
but you were forced to be best friends. As decades pass though, you’re so thankful
for that lack of choice. They can anger you in ways no one else can; simply
because they know you better than anyone else. They make you laugh, cry, and
fill you with pride when you see them accomplish goals often very different
than your own. Brothers are special.
As the middle brother, I have a
dual responsibility. I’m an older brother, and a little brother. I think
because of this I have learned the importance of each role. The older brother
is there to guide through experience and wisdom. He is charged with a commission
to worry, be protective, and love unconditionally. As a little brother, you
lead through experience and wisdom as well. You are commissioned to remind the
elder of his youth, to learn from the mistakes of your predecessor, and love
unconditionally too. However, age closes this gap of roles. Soon you find that
roles become beautifully blurred. Brothers become confidants, advisors, and
fellow soldiers in the wars of life. No longer is one superior or subordinate
in all things, though this often was the case in youth. With age, each leads
with his specific gifts uncontested. Brothers begin willingly granting command
to the one best suited to lead the others. Time is the great equalizer.
Bradley’s birthday, and his new
age, really hit home. He is so close to leaving for college and becoming an
adult. So, to Bradley and other soon to be college freshmen, I write a list of
important things to remember in college. I take the stance of “older brother”
for one of the last times. Take your role as student, because I hope this will
help you be a teacher later. Happy birthday big guy, and good luck in college.
This is your present.
You’re
an adult. Yes I know you think you are, but you REALLY are.
By now most of you are eighteen and
calling yourselves adults. Good news, you’re right. The problem is that you
still live in your parent’s homes, your hometown, and you’re surrounded by the
people that have only known you as that kid up the block. When you get left
behind that first night, understand that the rest of the world isn’t just
appeasing your ego by calling you an adult. To them you really are. The best
part is that you have your independence. Now people respect and trust your
decisions. You’re considered an independent and mindful person. You can be who
you want to be, but be cautious. Being an adult doesn’t just mean that you get
all the benefits, responsibilities are married to that. Professors have already
received your payment for their classes, so fail away, they don’t care. The
nice officer back home that might cut you a break is gone. The one patrolling
around campus has no problem writing you a ticket, escorting you off certain
premises, and throwing you in jail. You can choose to go out the night before a
test, but be ready to deal with the consequences. This isn’t to scare you; well
yes it is, but seriously make good choices.
Go
to Class.
It sounds so simple, but trust me;
most mornings it feels impossible. There are two main reasons amongst a
thousand I have for this. The first is that your professor will notice.
Attendance in most places isn’t required, but professors are more willing to
help out and reward a consistent student. The second is that going to class and
taking notes usually has more value than just reading your homework. Professors
would rather write test questions about life changing comments they’ve made
than what someone else said in their book.
The
Intimacy of Holding a Hand.
For guys, your sexual endeavors are
largely based off of what you think you’re supposed to be doing. Friends,
movies, music all encourage you to create a sexual resume. For girls, you feel
like you need to fall into this role men have created for you. At the base of
it though, you all just want a form of intimacy and love. I promise you, a 3
a.m. walk holding hands is just as powerful.
The
Coffee Test:
A lot of the friends you are going
to make will be found at parties and bars. If not, some of the first things you
will be doing with new found comrades is going
to parties. This is all fine and well, but a party friend is different than a
real friend. If you can’t sit down and drink a coffee, play video games, or
watch ESPN without getting bored, they probably aren’t worth too much
investment. Nor is it healthy.
I
hope you travel.
Based off my own experience, I would
say don’t take a whole semester off to see the world. As a side note, don’t take
a semester off for any reason. Nothing is harder than going back to school..
Trust me. However, save up and visit someplace out of the states for spring,
winter, or summer break. Studying abroad seems to be the most productive way of
doing this, or a two week mission trip, but just make it happen. I promise it
will turn your life upside down. It will destroy a gross, simple, and ignorant
perspective you don’t even know you have. Be forewarned, life will never be the
same. You will never grow more, and you will forever have a hunger to taste the
world. Also, people will begin to look ignorant in your eyes. People will
appear uneducated and wrapped up in their own little world. Be kind and
respectful, they really aren’t, or they won’t be forever hopefully. You just
learned some lessons earlier in life. Pass on wisdom, but don’t be cocky simply
because you’ve become cultured.
Say
yes to things you never thought you would, or never thought you’d do:
Let me preface this by saying
UNHARMFUL things. Take a weird class, try water polo, have a sword fight in the
courtyard with the L.A.R.P.ers, try strange food, do hard community work.
Saying yes to things outside of your comfort zone challenges and grows you.
Just because you try something doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it, but try
for the sake of trying. You might be surprised by what you realize you like.
Free Flow Yoga is a strange and closet pleasure I have. I said yes. Why? I
don’t know…
Broke
takes on a whole new meaning:
For some of you, Mom and Dad will be
sending you a certain amount of money periodically. For others, you will be
working and earning your own pay. Regardless, neither is infinite, and I
promise you will learn the hard way. I’ve done both now. Nothing is more
defeating than when you can’t eat anything besides Ramen, you have to miss that
concert, or the bar in no way is a fiscal option. Prepare yourself for the
stress and frustration. By the way, after the first time you’ll swear you’ll
never let it happen again. I have bad news though, before you learn your lesson
it’ll probably happen fifteen more times.
Read:
Sure you can still read Twilight,
The Hunger Games, and Harry Potter but don’t let it be all that’s on your
reading list. Even if you don’t understand half the things their writing, read
Emerson, Plato, Eliot, and Austen for example. You’ll feel smarter, and I
promise you’ll be smarter. Writing is one of the most important skills to have
in college. Reading things like the before mentioned will benefit this hard
earned skill.
Accept,
and then Conquer Failure:
For the first time in your life, you
will really fail. Whether in relationships, school, or life choices doom is
looming. Don’t worry you’ll live to see tomorrow, but it’s going to bring a
hurt you’ve never encountered. Pick yourself up, dust off, and fix it. Don’t
give up, don’t write it off, fix it. Sometimes, if not most times, you won’t be
able to do it by yourself. Use a friend, counselor, or pastor but don’t let the
pain linger. Pride is probably one of my greatest sins, and this is an
especially hard thing for me to deal with. If you don’t understand the benefits
of constructive failure, it will tear you up. Don’t spend weeks of your life
like I have cursing your failure, just fix it and prevent it from happening
again.
Some
days you’ll feel like God has abandoned you:
So many times I would cry out for
God, and not get a response. It would fill me with anger, pain, and despair. I
would be lost and ready to give up. I learned a simple truth though: God was
always there, he was just letting me grow. When I look back on all those hard
times, I can see God’s presence. He was aiding me, and helping me in the
important ways, I was just too ignorant, young, and sinful to realize it.
Remember the Big Man has your back, just not how you want it often. You’re
never abandoned, it just feels like you are.
Get
a dog:
I recommend this at the
upperclassmen level. Nothing teaches you more responsibility than a dog. It’s
not the same as when you have a dog as a kid. Your parents were always there to
pick up the slack with your former pets. For the first time a living creature is
completely dependent on you. By the time you’re a junior or senior it’s time to
start slowing down and getting serious. Dogs make this happen. Often they force
you home late at night for fear of leaving them alone too long. They make you
pay for things you really wish you didn’t have to i.e. food, toys, treats, and
the vet. When you’re stressed and sad they make you feel better. They make you
clean up messes you didn’t make, and this often keeps you from making messes of
your own. Not to mention… if you’re a dude, chicks dig your dog. Ask my yorkie…
(too bad he gets all the love)
Mom
and Dad are always right:
You’ve spent your whole life arguing
with your parents. I promise, you’ll never do it again. Mom and Dad are always
right, but I’ll let you figure that out yourself.
There’s a lot more I could say, but
will stop here. Happy birthday Brad and good luck.
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